Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Last Tough One

I knew I had one more place I needed to process, but I kept putting it off. I just didn't feel ready.

Throughout the year I have very intentionally traveled to places and spent time with people in order to eliminate potential "grief triggers" or awkward moments with people in future days. I didn't want there to be a place or a person that I avoided. One place remained, and it was an easy walk away - the oncology center where Steve was treated.

One morning a week and a half ago, I knew it was time. I asked the Lord to make happen whatever needed to happen to help me keep moving forward. I couldn't have guessed what he had in store.

I spent time in the chapel on the first floor and then went up to the chemo floor. Lastly, the elevator doors opened to the floor where Steve had his weekly blood draw and appointment with his oncologist. I did a slow walk through two waiting rooms that were all too familiar. I knew this wasn't the time or place to dwell on the memories, so I turned to leave. As I did, I looked up to see Steve's oncologist standing in front of me - we both registered surprise! He graciously invited me into a quiet room where we spent 10-15 minutes in meaningful conversation about Steve and events since his passing. I left with tears flowing, but feeling both free of heart and awed that God would orchestrate this very unexpected encounter.

God is walking this journey with me, and his unanticipated blessings continue to bring healing.